Sponsored editorial

When I say ‘I’m a Foster Carer’, you would be surprised at the amount of people who respond with “Oh I’d love to do that” but haven’t ever progressed any further.

Well let me say now, it’s challenging at times, really hard work and there are those days when I think what am I doing (!), but it’s also amazing and I wouldn’t do anything else.

My wife and I are both full time Foster Carers with Kent Fostering and started our fostering journey when our children were babies.

We both come from large families and we were used to our nieces and nephews and my mum also fostered and we helped with the children she looked after.

My wife at the time worked as a Travel Agent and I was in sales, and whereas we both liked our jobs, we wanted to contribute more, have a better work/life balance and be there for our girls and so working with children, at home, where we had some flexibility about how to structure our day and could earn an income really appealed.

We spent a little bit of time as foster carers with an Independent Fostering Agency, but in 2006 made the move to foster with Kent County Council, because we would have more opportunities to look after children of different ages and we felt that the council would carefully consider which children would be right for our family.

We have always seen ourselves as a family who fosters, not just a husband and wife who are foster carers, so our children being considered in the matching process was so important to us.

Our daughters are now adults themselves and there has been a shift in the role they now play in the family, evolving from foster sisters living and playing alongside other children and young people, to now being part of our support network; a bit like I was when my mum fostered.

In total we have been fostering for around 17 years and during this time we have looked after lots of different children of all ages. We have supported a parent looking after her baby, teaching, advising and guiding, we have looked after new-borns straight from hospital, cared for sibling groups to keep them together and looked after children who moved onto adoptive parents.

The needs of the children we care for vary hugely and at times it can be a real juggling act! Our morning starts just like everybody else's, our alarm goes off, the difference is, we are already at work. In preparation for the day ahead we discuss what we must do that day, but there is always some routine and predictability, which is very important to the children we look after to help them feel safe.

In the early days, we would very often have two or three school runs to juggle between the two of us, that would mean utilising breakfast and after school clubs at times for our own children and those we looked after where this was appropriate and calling on our support network for help as when needed.

Now our girls are older, there aren’t so many school runs to manage but transporting the children here and there remains a big part of our day, especially as we have three living with us.

We are also of course responsible for caring for and supporting all children and young people who live with us to the best of our ability.

Like any good parent, we need to be available at any moment should the school ring because they are unwell, to comfort them in case they fall over and hurt themselves or they’ve had an argument with a friend, to make them a snack when they’re hungry and take and pick them up from different clubs and activities.

There isn’t a week where we don’t have commitments such as training, support group meetings, family time (contact with birth families), medical appointments, children’s reviews and personal education plan meetings, the list can go on and on!

“Family time” for the children in our care, usually takes place in the afternoon after school and this is managed between myself and my wife. Nearly all foster children will have some type of contact with their own family and as Foster Carers, we play an important role in supporting the children to maintain those relationships, even when this is difficult.

We provide a safe and constant place for our children to return to and for us this is one of the most important aspects of being a foster carer. We help our children to settle again, making sure they are given space to process their feelings, offer comfort if it is needed and we always try to put ourselves in the child’s shoes and understand how they might be feeling.

We regularly attend our fostering support group, where we are met by a group of familiar faces and like-minded people who know exactly what it's like to have the responsibility of looking after someone else's child and the pressure of doing the best “job” we can.

Here, we can share our progress, challenges, highs and lows and rest assured that whatever we are going through, we are not the first! The support groups allow us to share ideas, concerns, ask and answer questions, and make connections with others. Some of our best friends are foster carers and so the groups have become an important part of our lives.

We are also duty bound to record a lot of what we do, which can take up a considerable amount of time. It is so necessary however, as everything we write in our daily diary notes are for the children’s memories and to help them build their life story, as well as help the team around them to understand their lives and help keep us safe as a fostering family.

There is also mandatory training that we complete and a huge list of other courses that we can access to help us develop as Foster Carers and support the children and young people we look after. Since COVID more of this is online but there are also opportunities to train face to face and we can always go to courses that are local to us.

I really like training, both attending it and delivering it and as a Foster Carer with Kent I have been given so many chances to do this, which all contribute to the satisfaction I get from being a foster carer.

We came into fostering with what we thought was a clear picture of what we had to offer. We quickly realised that no two children are the same and there definitely isn’t a “one size fits all.” Flexibility, a willingness to learn and be part of a team, oh and a good sense of humour are the key ingredients to a successful career in fostering.

For my wife and I, being foster carers is far and away the biggest source of achievement we have in our life. That’s not to say it overshadows the pride we have for our own daughters. In fact, we attribute a lot of their qualities to growing up as part of a “family who foster.”

We are also grateful for the empathy this has instilled in them from a very young age and allowed us to watch them grow into very mature young adults we are proud of. I can honestly say that the journey fostering has taken us on has enriched our lives and we feel honoured that we have been given the opportunity to play a part in some positive outcomes for children.

If you have the commitment, time, energy, resilience and empathy to become a Foster Carer, you too could change the outcomes for some of the most vulnerable children in our own community, and for me, there’s no other way I’d rather be spending my time!

Would we ever want to do anything else? No thank you, we are quite happy doing our thing.

To find out more about Kent Fostering and how you could become a foster carer call 03000420 002 or visit www.kentfostering.co.uk